After Dark Horrorfest 4

Close to six months ago I received After Dark Horror Fest 4 in the mail to review. It peaked my interest so I started watching. What I saw was so utterly terrible that I dreaded every single time I had to watch one, and… well… I couldn’t finish. They beat me. These shitty movies beat me, I could not conquer them. Who on earth assembled such mind-blowingly bad assortment of movies? I didn’t think it was possible. I am tired of them cluttering up my living room now and so I decided to get rid of them, which also means its time to post my review. I’m doing them all together instead of separately. They are listed in the order I watched them, so here it goes:

The Final: Nothing about this movie is believable. The acting is the worst I've ever seen. It doesn't even count as torture porn because they didn’t actually show any torture. Its not funny or ironic even, it’s just terrible. One scene is all about Vietnam, for whatever that’s worth. At one point we see two characters get murdered by a neighbor and then they are alive in the next scene. The dialogue is so bad; this movie has no point whatsoever. It's like something a seventh grade slipknot fan would write, a fantasy about what he would say to the people who ignore him. This is the stupidest movie ever, and the characters are TERRIBLE.

Dread: This movie has a really terrible plot. The acting is okay, but the main guy is over the top. The meat scene was interesting but the movie resolves itself in a stupid way. The premise is too flimsy for a whole film; it would make a better short. This movie is pretty shitty but nothing compared to the shit storm yet to come.

Zombies of Mass Destruction: This movie is totally unoriginal. It’s like a bad sci-fi channel movie. The acting and dialogue are incredibly bad. Why is this movie so political? It’s handled horribly. In the universe of this film gay people must wear scarves at all times, apparently. The gore made me laugh out loud which is redeemable in some instances but not enough to save this movie. But at least this movie is campy and at least it doesn't take itself too seriously. It ends up being mildly funny, but until it gets to that point its unbearable. Then somehow it gets terrible again when the movie tries intentionally to be funny. The gore is hilarious, the Iranian dad is hilarious, and even though this movie is pretty bad it's miles above the rest.

The Graves: This takes bad to another level. The acting sucks, the dialogue is terrible, and if you thought about it for one second you'd realize that the characters would never say any of that. It’s not gory so no redemption there. And it’s not funny either. Digital blood??? The poor guy from “Candy Man,” he must really need some money. Somehow the killer walks and the victims run and they still can't escape. They made sure to get their friends band in and also pretend girls like comic books. It makes no fucking sense at any given minute. Judging these movies is like trying to rank your BM’s. They are all so bad, why bother trying to distinguish between them.

The Reeds: Oh good, shit from across the pond. At least this movie has good acting and decent directing. But the movie is so boring, nothing happens. The depiction of the Gypos is kind of racist. The plot is pretty dumb, it doesn't really make any sense, and its so boring. I really hate all the POV shots.
Hidden: This is another foreign affair. Nothing fucking happens in this movie. Also the plot is pretty unintelligible. And the fact that’s its criminally boring doesn’t help. Its extremely slow and not scary at all. They give you so little information that the plot and back-story are incomprehensible. I hate this movie sooo much that after a while I tuned out, I just didn't care anymore.

Kill Theory: Didn’t watch it. If the rest of the collection is anything to go by then I know I am not missing anything.

Lake Mungo: I knew it’s unfair that I didn’t even watch this one either, but I just couldn’t take anymore. My brain couldn’t handle anymore crap.

So to sum it all up, never ever ever watch the After Dark Horror Fest!!