Grown Ups

Ugh, “Grownups.” As if watching it wasn’t punishment enough, now I have to review it. If you are old like me then you distinctly remember when all the stars of this film were at the top of their game on Saturday Night Live. I worshipped these guys as comedy heroes. I have never been so disappointed in my life. It’s hard for me to give the people I respect so much such a bad review, but they earned it. Chris rock is a legend; I still listen to “Bigger and Blacker” in my car. “Tommy Boy” is one of the best movies ever made. “Billy Madison,” “Happy Gilmore,” at least two classic comedy albums. The “makin' copies” sketch… well, it doesn’t really hold up, but it was funny in the nineties I promise (sorry Rob, but honestly what good thing have you don’t since SNL). Kevin James has hilarious stand-up but is a poor substitute for what would obviously have been a Chris Farley role if he survived.

“Grownups” is about a bunch of middle aged friends who pine for their long lost boyhood years. Who cares about the rest, what happened to you, Sandler? You used to be the best. I don’t even know what to make of this movie. It isn’t funny at all. I laughed twice. That’s pathetic because it’s easy to make me laugh. Laughter is pretty much the only barometer I use to judge comedies, and this one fails miserably. I laughed at something David Spade said and something Colin Quinn said, so congrats to the two of you. Everything else about this movie is bad, real bad. It didn’t help that the 600 pound couple sitting behind me was laughing their asses off every second of the damn movie. And that, my friends, is why Hollywood keeps making this crap. People like that shouldn’t be allowed to go to the movies. Sorry for being a movie snob but if I wasn’t then my reviews wouldn’t be worth the internet they’re printed on.

So don’t even bother with this, if you are a fan of any of these guys get in your time machine and go way back to when they were awesome. Everyone will survive this film with their careers intact, and unfortunately Adam Sandler’s production company will keep churning out bombs, (except “Grandma’s Boy” that movie rules). I just can’t get over how much unlimited potential this movie had. It’s like if Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd and Bill Murray and Jon Belushi and Eddie Murphy all got together and made a movie in the 80s… and in a universe where Belushi was alive in the 80s… yeah, you’re right, it probably would have sucked too. Spade, you were always my favorite; please make a comeback I can get behind.