Kick-Ass

Superhero movies exploded in the last decade. Whether it’s because the technology was finally available to bring them to the big screen or the public just wanted the escape from real world woes into a world that’s easy to make sense of, for movies the ‘00s belonged to superheroes. But in real life there are no heroes and no villains, everything is more complicated and if super heroes did exist they might not actually be so good. They would be human and subject to the same moral ambiguities that we all face daily. Heroes like these usually owe their super-superiority to some kind of science gone amuck or some magic force. But that stuff doesn’t exist, so if one day someone did decide to be a hero and stand up for what he personally believed in, he really only has a couple options: learn to fight or get a gun. That’s the story we get in the new movie “Kick-Ass.”

“Kick-Ass” is not like any super hero movie you’ve ever seen. If “Watchmen” was the “Apocalypse Now” of superhero movies, then surely “Kick-Ass” is the “Full Metal Jacket.” Despite all the bad reviews this movie got I went to see it anyway, and here’s the scoop: it was fucking awesome. There is so much plot in this movie, it feels like an epic. But it is highly entertaining. In the film a teenage boy decides to be a vigilante crime fighter but quickly realizes he bit off more than he can chew. I enjoyed pretty much every single thing about it. The problem I believe is that instead of marketing the film as a film about the morality of real world crime fighting, with as much darkness and bloodshed as it actually entails, the film was marketed as a superhero comedy. This film is not a spoof. It is much more disturbing than that. And for the most part it’s not all that funny. This was a mistake and it’s not the filmmakers fault, its some idiot studio executive’s. The film stands on its own, regardless of expectations. But the people who might have liked this film probably didn’t go see it and the majority of people who did see it were guaranteed not to like it. This movie should have killed at the box office because it’s amazing to watch. Instead they presented it like it was “Cop Out,” but with superheroes in place of police, when really it’s more like “Taxi Driver,” with a cape. It must suck to make a film and lose total control over perception, and then have everyone in America hate it because they expected something else.

The directing in this film is great, and the performances are impeccable. There really aren’t that many characters in the film and each one is superbly acted. The film is rich with color, and action and pure story telling chops. Although the story meanders through a subplot involving a girlfriend, it still manages to wrap up the narrative in a tight and plausible way. In fact that’s the least believable thing in the film, the girlfriend. People complained the movie was too violent, especially considering there is a little girl in the film. To be fair, the world is violent. More violent than anything this movie could possibly recreate. And guess what, kids are exposed to violence. In fact that is a huge part of what this film is trying to say. It’s not just gratuitous, it fits the story. Lets not forget about that sniper that was terrorizing Washington DC just a few years ago. If you remember he had a kid with him, and the kid killed plenty of people too. He wasn’t a victim; he was made into a killer. Murder isn’t righteous, and neither is revenge, and that is what this movie is about. It’s about losing your humanity. This movie also gets flak for the language, again probably because there is a little girl in the film. I can’t express how infuriating that is, it’s ridiculous. Who cares? Anyone who would let a couple four letter words ruin a meaningful film doesn’t deserve to see movies. Go to any elementary school and listen to a group of third graders, you’ll hear worse language than you even remember existed. Bottom line: this film combined an amazing story with an amazing production and created an amazing way to spend two hours. I can’t wait to see it again.

Do you remember when “Wanted” hit theaters in 2008? The entire time you were watching the film, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d already seen the same movie multiple times. You’re thinking, “What was the name of that flick?” “Was it ‘The Matrix’?” “Was it ‘Mission: Impossible’?” Whatever the title, there was no doubt in your mind that this motion picture wasn’t near as innovative as it appeared on screen and if you’re planning to see “Kick-Ass”, no matter in theaters or on DVD, you’re bound to have the same experience of déjà vu. Of course, the difference here is that “Wanted” was actually a balls-to-wall action flick and entirely capable of keeping viewers engrossed for its entire runtime. “Kick-Ass” on the other hand, well suffice to say, it merely wasn’t my cup of tea.

Directed by Matthew Vaughn, this is your typical picture revolving around a group of geeky youths who slap on their old Halloween costumes and pretend to save the world. Whilst we’ve all done it as kids, we never managed to make it out of our backyard. For the new generation, however, growing up may forever change as we know it, particularly after they set their eyes “Kick Ass”. Parents who grew concerned by their kids throwing rocks at one another or poking their neighbor’s dog through the fence now have new forms of troublemaking to look forward too. What exactly do I mean by this? Well, lets just say you shouldn’t be surprised if you let your 8-year-old see this movie and they wind up expelled from school the next day for wielding a pocket knife.

Considering “Kick Ass” is a movie about kids dressing up as superheroes, you wouldn’t think there’s any way the filmmakers could go wrong. Since this movie has been stamped with an R-rating, however, feel free to scratch that thought immediately. Remember in “Sleepy Hollow” when that cute, innocent little toddler was beheaded by the Headless Horseman. You were heartbroken and bewildered that Tim Burton would allow something as tragic as a kid being murdered into his movie. Now, multiply that feeling by ten. In “Kick Ass”, though the kids are a bit older, there’s absolutely nothing enjoyable about watching children getting bloodied up. One scene in particular that is still tattooed in my head is that involving an adorable girl named Hit Girl. You would think she’d be better suited sitting around with a group of other girls her age playing Barbies. The filmmakers, however, seemed to have believed otherwise as they showcase her being brutally beaten up by the film’s villain. I’m talking a royal ass whooping. Call me weak, old fashioned, anything that crosses your mind, but there’s nothing intriguing in watching a child getting the shit beat out of them, particularly a female.

Moving on, when the film isn’t offending us in everyway imaginable, it’s not exactly what I’d call innovative. Kudos to the filmmakers out there who’ve managed to mix copycatting with style, but Vaughn and his team of writers aren’t part of that group. The fact that the storyline has been recycled endlessly isn’t even the movies downfall. The downfall is that the filmmakers try so desperately to be over-the-top that the movie becomes uneasy to watch. I’m not comparing this uneasy feeling to presentations like “Hostel” or “Saw” where it’s so bad it’s good. I’m stating that “Kick-Ass” is so bad, it’s ass. Usually when I’m opposed to a picture, at least there’s the justification that it’s suited for a particular group of movie-goers. This, however, can’t be wished upon anybody. In fact, the only place I see it fit to be screened is an insane asylum and even that would be a cruel gesture.