Crazies, The

Welcome to “The Crazies.” There’s a small town in Middle America, and guess what: something weird happens and makes everyone act crazy (hence the title). I am just so sick of movies like this. In the old days a zombie movie, or whatever this movie is trying to be, was novel and therefore effective. What’s the point of this movie? It’s not giving us anything new. Not even a little bit. In the era before home video I can understand why films got remade and rebooted over and over, it was the only way to expose a new generation to the themes in those movies. But now it’s redundant, I can just go rent a much better movie than this.

If I never see another movie where the world is ending, or where everyone is dying, or any kind of apocalyptic scenario, man made or otherwise, it will be too soon. Give it a rest Hollywood!!! This is the worst kind of horror movie. I know what blood looks like, it’s not even like the gore is inventive or interesting; it’s just gratuitous. I want to see a movie where every kind of conceivable torture is displayed on the screen for hours or even days, and then no one ever has to make another movie like this again. What’s this movie even about? Is it anti-government? Is it about the war or swine flu or Katrina? Who even gives a fuck? This movie blows. I do remember once in the fifties or something the military tried to develop a “gay bomb” that would make all the soldiers in the opposing army go gay for each other and presumably then the American soldiers could just shoot them while they kissed. But the fact is that is one of the stupidest ideas ever. And so is this movie.

Timothy Olyphant, what the fuck man? You are a good actor; use some discretion when picking your roles. The whole movie I was rooting for you and your family to die because you were acting in the most irresponsible way possible. If ever an epidemic like this occurred you would be putting the entire world in jeopardy just because you love your stupid wife, way to go. And every scene in this movie is the same, they run and hide, some crazies show up, somehow they are saved, lather rinse repeat. Bottom line: don’t see this movie unless you like wasting your life.